Pain is not the problem; pain is the symptom. You will not be surprised by a problem that trips your pain sensors. But at times, haven’t all of us ignored our nerves and worked through pain? While this is sometimes admirable, it is not always wise.
I once had a sore toe that was angry at me. I ignored it, and feeling slighted, it turned red. I didn’t address the problem, but I didn’t exactly put it away, either. Instead, I compensated for it.
I limped. I placed more weight on the other side of my spine. I took more time putting on my socks. Life seemed normal by ignoring the pain, but it wasn’t.
I have found myself acting in the same way with my children at times. Instead of acknowledging, identifying and confronting a problem, I endure it, and my family endures with me. In the long run, confronting a problem is better than compensating for it.
Do you have friends that can only travel late at night because they dare not endure the pain of a screaming car seat? Do you know parents who would never dream of having important guests over to eat, for fear of food flying from the high chair? By compensating, they are unintentionally reinforcing behavior that is painful to everyone.
“Unintentional” is precisely what you do not want. “Unintentional” is brother to “unaware” and may well harm your home more than anything else does.
What should we do when we become aware that we are compensating for pain instead of confronting it?
1. Acknowledge the problem.
2. Identify the problem.
3. Confront the problem.
While we need not become discouraged by every little problem that arises at home, we need not settle for less than God intends for children and less than God demands from parents. God is sufficient for our need every time we observe a problem and lovingly take action.