Imagine making wedding vows to your in-laws. Frightening? Maybe you already have!
Have you ever heard the beautiful words of Ruth recited by a bride at her wedding?
“And Ruth said, ‘Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.'”
We find here three aspects of a promise that give us insight into in-laws:
1. This promise is ironic. It was not made to a husband; Ruth made it to her mother-in-law! Now, don’t panic or get ahead of me.
I am not saying that this passage is written as instruction on marriage, nor am I saying that it is wrong for a bride to recite this to her groom. I am simply noting the irony of using this promise to a mother-in-law as a pledge to a husband.
To demonstrate the contrast, imagine a groom making all of his wedding vows, then lifting the bridal veil to find his mom-in-law standing there! This is a striking vow from Ruth to Naomi, to say the least. The wonder of the truth should not be obscured by the beauty of her words.
What Ruth was essentially telling Naomi was, “I will go where you go, live where you live, and attend all your family reunions at Uncle Lou’s until the day I die.” Wow!
2. This promise is profound. In a limited respect, though we think of these words as a promise to your loved one, you really could make this pledge to your in-laws. “My life from here on is, to some degree, affected by your lives. Your people will be my people.”
Marriage between one man and one woman is the most sacred of the human relationships that God has designed. In-laws do not have the right to harm it. It is a new and sovereign home. It is the new priority.
However, to think that in-laws will have no bearing on one’s marriage is sheer folly. My home is a combination of my parents, Sena’s parents, and a heap of “original” elements thrown in just to make life truly exciting!
The food I eat, the soap I use, and the house in which I live are all part of the “Rice home”, but all are greatly influenced by the home in which my wife was reared. I am not saying that the home you build is doomed by the home your in-laws built. But it is wise to consider the family into which you marry before and after the big day.
3. This promise is instructive. Maybe you should consider for a moment the ways in which in-laws have the potential to influence your life.
To some extent, your in-laws inform your expectations. While their past must not dictate your future, it would not be honest to say that it will have absolutely no influence, either. Your spouse will in many ways treat you the way he or she treated his or her parents. Your mate will also have the tendency to become his or her parents.
In-laws may inform some of your obligations. Your first obligation is to your own spouse and children. Yet, at times, that may mean caring about or caring for those who are related to you by marriage.
As you probably know, Ruth remarried after her husband, the son of Naomi, died. Her new husband (who came with new in-laws) was her new priority. But she still had a very special relationship with Naomi.
The nature of her relationship to Naomi changed three times: when she married Naomi’s son, when that husband died, and when she later remarried. While her story is not a “proof text” on in-laws, it is certainly a thought-provoker on our commitments.
Finally, in-laws inform the generations to come. Your spouse comes with a family, and your spouse will shape, along with you, the family you raise. Ruth’s statement, “thy people shall be my people”, is even more instructive when you consider that your children will be the descendants of two families that become one.
In-laws are an undeniable part of having a family. None of us is either enslaved by the family into which we marry nor free to live as if that family doesn’t matter.