Our Ford was the sound stage for pandemonium. The stereo in our F-350 provided an accompaniment to three playing kids and two talking parents. Often, Sena claims that this is the only time the two of us have to talk, when we are both forced to sit still while we roll down the interstate at seventy miles an hour.
Our discussion took an interesting turn, and I lowered my voice. Leaning toward Sena, I raised my right hand to shield my words from the kids in the back seat, mouthing each syllable so my wife could see.
Suddenly, the truck was silent. Now, the three in the back seat joined me in leaning toward Sena’s seat. My children often miss what I say, but they rarely miss something they think I am trying to keep secret. Kids listen when you whisper!
Why is that? For starters, no one wants to feel left out! We all enjoy being let in on the secret. And to be sure, your children are sometimes interested in knowing something precisely because you wish to keep it a secret from them.
But something even more profound is at play here: children have an interest in what is real and what is important to their parents. That’s why they pay more attention to what you say about someone after you hang up the phone than what you say when that person is on the phone with you. That is why children take note when you compliment someone behind that person’s back or when you stand for your convictions when no one else will know. In short, your kids will take the “real you” the most seriously.
When I preach kindness to the siblings in my house, I had better treat their mother lovingly. When I protect my children from filth on television, I had better not think that their dad is too mature to need safeguards too. And if I want my children to stop playing video games and come to dinner, I had better put up my smartphone when they arrive.
If parents want their message to be loud and clear to their children, they need to watch what they whisper.