I Chronicles 19:2 And David said, I will shew kindness unto Hanun the son of Nahash, because his father shewed kindness to me. And David sent messengers to comfort him concerning his father. So the servants of David came into the land of the children of Ammon to Hanun, to comfort him
Maybe you remember your days in Junior High. Maybe those are good memories, but my guess is there are also memories that are fraught with complexity, turmoil, and social adjustment. All of us have been through that at certain times. In Junior High you are finding out who your true friends are, wanting desperately to be liked and accepted, and so on. Perhaps you thought that once you got out of Junior High you would never face that kind of rat race again. Now, here you are thirty, forty, or fifty years later and you find yourself in the same kind of game, surrounded by a bunch of people who call themselves friends. Are they more than Facebook friends and followers online? Are they more than people with whom you have common enemies and common interests?
In I Chronicles 19, David teaches us a lesson about the nature of true friendship. In verses 1-2 it says, “Now it came to pass after this, that Nahash the king of the children of Ammon died, and his son reigned in his stead. And David said, I will show kindness unto Hanun the son of Nahash, because his father shewed kindness to me.” David had been on a role. He had shown kindness to the son of Jonathan, his old friend who was now dead, and he was doing this to the son of Nahash, who had showed him kindness when he was a young man. So, he sent messengers to comfort this Hanan.
Well, Hanan had advisors who said, “David is not trying to be friendly. David is trying to make a play for the kingdom. He is sending spies, not friends.” Hanan shamed and dishonored these messengers and sent them back to David ashamed. Verse 6 says that “when the children of Ammon saw that they had made themselves odious to David,” they went and hired mercenary soldiers. There is irony here. Hanan rejected genuine kindness and comfort and hired allies, which is not to say friends, who had no dog in this fight except mercenary money. There is a real contrast between the true friendship David was trying to extend and the fake friends that hated him. He rejected genuine kindness and had to hire friends.
The lesson from this is that true friendship requires true people. There is a contrast between David’s gratitude to Nahash and Jonathan and Hanan’s bribery and the rejection of true friendship that David showed to him. It reminds me of so many Hollywood marriages where beautiful people have stunning homes, expensive yachts, and fancy cars, but an ugly marriage. How many of these people have friends they can truly trust and marriages that last? There are people who live right where you and I live who are not multi-millionaires and whom no one knows, but they likewise do not have friendship. David was a man of great wealth, but he had something far more valuable, true friendship, not that he gained, but that he gave.
It is important to remember that true friendship requires true people. That means true people, not money. Someone having money does not make them a friend, nor someone having a common enemy. The enemy of my enemy is not necessarily my friend. Certainly you cannot build friendship on suspicion and jealousy, both of which Hanan seemed to have had. Hanan didn’t believe David, and the allies he hired didn’t believe in the fight. So, those who do not have friends they can trust must have friends they can buy.
May God help us today to seek true friends, but more importantly to be a true friend in a world that is so confused about the nature of friendship.