Have you ever shook hands with someone and felt as if you had your hand on the door knob of a vacant house? Maybe you felt like you were stealing their hand shake more than they were giving it. You had their hand but not their interest or respect. Their shoulders were angled away from you, their eyes looked past you, and their entire person save that hand was distant from you.
I recall shaking the hand of a prominent preacher when I was about nine years old. He complimented me, my dad really, by saying, “Someone taught that boy to give a firm grip and look others in the eye!” I remember feeling flattered, but thinking, “Dad never taught me to shake hands!” Thinking back, I realize that Dad did indeed do just that.
While I do not recall Dad ever coaching me on how to shake hands, he taught me to give respect where it is due. Shaking hands just kind of followed along. How do children show respect? How do I know whether or not my children are ignoring me?
1. Posture. Listening is a physical thing. It includes the shoulders, head, eyes, ears, and even mouth! My dog taught me that if you don’t have the eyes, you don’t have respect. (When Breck respects me, she looks right at me with ears perked up!) If my child’s shoulders are angled away from me, his heart is not inclined toward me. If my child is talking, he is not listening.
2. Mind. Do you realize how often we ask, “What?”, when we actually heard what someone else said? We need only take a moment to engage our brain. Often when one of my children responds to instruction with, “What?”, I will reply, “Tell me what I just said.” They usually know. It may well be just a bad habit, a lack of attentiveness.
3. Attitude. We hear what we want to hear, and we hear when we want to hear. How about, “Time to go get some ice cream!” Or, “Would you please take out the trash?” Some things are just easier to hear than others.
No one is born with the natural bent to give respect where it is due. If a child is showing others respect, his parents taught him to do so. When I see a lack of respect coming from my child, I always do well to remember that he will learn respect if I will teach it and exemplify it myself.