Articles

Have you ever met a family that was just refreshing to you? Chances are, they were genuine, happy to be themselves, and happy to know you. Are you that family? Are your kids happy?

As much as it scares me to say it, we don’t get what we want from our children; we get what we give. While children should obey and honor their parents (Ephesians 6:1-3), they will always follow their parents. Your children won’t follow what you think you are doing, they will follow what they see you are doing (Ephesians 6:4).

What you are actually doing will fall into one of two categories:

1. 1. You will provide for your kids to grow in the Lord.
   2. You will provoke your children to anger.

“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4) Literally, we are to “nourish them” in the nurture (training) and admonition (discipline) of the Lord.

What are some warning signs of children that are “stirred up” instead of “nourished up”? It is amazing, but sometimes we parents are the last ones to recognize when our children are:

1. 1. Unthankful. Gratitude is not a natural response to having much; it is a trained perspective demonstrated by and demanded by parents.
   2. Unkind. I will never be genuinely kind when I am the person I am thinking of first. If I am selfish, sarcastic, or inconsistent, my kids will perceive that at a hundred yards in a thick fog! When my discipline of them is based on their good and not my own convenience, God blesses!
   3. Unmotivated. If I am passive with my children, they will be complacent about God. Pro-active parents don’t merely respond. They look at where they need to go and take action every day, beginning today. They are people of faith and action, not just hope or resignation.

My goal and desire is that those that know me the best will love and respect me the most. If that happens, it will happen because I spend the most important and deliberate time in my day with the people who know me best. My family is God’s gift and my responsibility.

Pain is not the problem; pain is the symptom. You will not be surprised by a problem that trips your pain sensors. But at times, haven’t all of us ignored our nerves and worked through pain? While this is sometimes admirable, it is not always wise.

I once had a sore toe that was angry at me. I ignored it, and feeling slighted, it turned red. I didn’t address the problem, but I didn’t exactly put it away, either. Instead, I compensated for it.

I limped. I placed more weight on the other side of my spine. I took more time putting on my socks. Life seemed normal by ignoring the pain, but it wasn’t.

I have found myself acting in the same way with my children at times. Instead of acknowledging, identifying and confronting a problem, I endure it, and my family endures with me. In the long run, confronting a problem is better than compensating for it.

Do you have friends that can only travel late at night because they dare not endure the pain of a screaming car seat? Do you know parents who would never dream of having important guests over to eat, for fear of food flying from the high chair? By compensating, they are unintentionally reinforcing behavior that is painful to everyone.

“Unintentional” is precisely what you do not want. “Unintentional” is brother to “unaware” and may well harm your home more than anything else does.

What should we do when we become aware that we are compensating for pain instead of confronting it?

1. Acknowledge the problem.

2. Identify the problem.

3. Confront the problem.

While we need not become discouraged by every little problem that arises at home, we need not settle for less than God intends for children and less than God demands from parents. God is sufficient for our need every time we observe a problem and lovingly take action.